According to the Oprah Magazine article my mom cut out for me, I am approaching our adoption as a defensive pessimist. I like that my thoughts (as I've previously written about) have an official term and that it is in Oprah Magazine. From the article:
We're not talking about a general disposition to see the glass half-empty:
"Defensive pessimism is a strategy used in specific situations to manage
anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem, who has conducted seminal research on the
subject. "Defensive pessimists," she says, "prepare for a situation by setting
low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment
of everything that may go wrong." Once they've imagined the full range of bad
outcomes, they start figuring out how they'll handle them, and that gives them a
sense of control.
Two years ago we thought we were on our way to parenthood. We had a month of giddiness and excitement. Then we spent the month of April getting our asses kicked with a repeat in August. I only know what it feels like when it doesn’t work out.
This explains why the crib is still in the garage, why I correct anyone who says that we’ll pass court in April and why I can’t even write a Baby Barto to-do list. This explains why I’m thinking of places to visit this summer instead of planning what to pack for Ethiopia.
At some point, hopefully, it will be our turn and that’s what Target is for. In the meantime, I’ll hang out with my husband, sleep in, spend too much time at school, go to yoga, and fill my days so I have less time to think about all the things that still need to happen before we meet Baby Barto.
4 comments:
I took this same test! Yep, defensive pessimist here. Our crib is in the hall closet. I'd write more but I'm going to a yoga class.
I think you should protect yourself all you want, but the reality is that sweet little Baby Barto is going to get here sooner than later. I see many late-night Target runs in your future!
When your heart has been broken, you learn how to defend it. You will still be a rockin mother regardless of when you get the Baby Barto lists made or the things in order. I mean, really, if you are co-sleeping then all you really need are clothes for your son when he comes home. And, you can do that in a day if you need to. But in the meantime, I am SUPER excited and hopeful for you! That's what friends are for!
Theresa
Awww, I hear ya though. That is interesting that term - Defensive Pessimist. I kind of like that there's an official term.
Cindy
There is a name for it? Your post is amazing and it will all get done when you feel safe enough to do it. Baby Barto is very lucky!
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