Books, books, books

I am a big reader. When we would go on family vacations, I would stay up late reading in the non-filled bathtub of our hotel room. I loved wandering the stacks of the libraries at college. So of course I turned to books as companions on this adoption journey. In the last year, I have picked up books on adoption, Africa and parenting. I even joined an on-line Ethiopian adoptive parent book club. I thought I’d share my reading list. And if you have a must-read or two, I'd love to add them to my "to check out" list.

The Kid – This is one of the first books I picked up when we decided on adopting. Dan Savage and his partner adopted domestically and his book is moving and hysterical. He really touches on a lot of the insecurities and doubts adoptive parents have and presents them in such an honest and raw way. (Dan Savage writes a sex column, so his book at times is very NC-17. )

Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption – Written by adult adoptees, this book critically delves into adoption issues. The pieces vary from poetry to more academic in tone. This book is hard to read as a potential adoptive parent, but totally necessary. I needed these perspectives to help me thinking critically about race, culture and adoption.

The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears – This novel is written by an Ethiopian-American author. It is a well written story about an Ethiopian immigrant in D.C.

There is No Me Without You – This seems to be the book in the Ethiopian adoption community. Melissa Fay Greene tells the story of Haregewoin Teferra whose own tragedies lead her to care for AIDS orphans. The children’s stories are heart wrenching and you pretty much want to jump on the next plane to Ethiopia. This is an incredible story, but I think that it shouldn’t be the only book adoptive families read about Ethiopia.

Notes from the Hyena’s Belly: An Ethiopian Boyhood – This was the first book I read as part of the book club. The author tells about his childhood in rural Ethiopia and the political chaos that erupted in his late teens.

Love in the Driest Season – This book is about Neely Tucker, a journalist, and his wife’s adoption of a baby from Zimbabwe. Neely and his wife trudge through mountains of red tape to adopt their daughter and it helped me understand why international adoption can take so long.

Held at a Distance: A rediscovery of Ethiopia – Rebecca Haile, whose family left Ethiopia when she was a child, returns as an adult. The book documents her journey to meet her family and her travels throughout Ethiopia with her husband. I liked this book because it is more positive than some of the other books I’d been reading. It really highlights the beauty of the country.

My Father’s Daughter: A story of family and belonging – I just finished this book. The author, Hannah Pool, was adopted from Eritrea (Ethiopia’s neighbor) by an Englishman and his American wife. This book documents her journey to meet her birth family. Her candid discussion of meeting her first family was powerful.

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents: I felt like this book spent a lot of time talking about all the things that can happen when children don’t have healthy attachment or have experienced abuse and neglect. I finally had to skip some chapters to look for the section about what to do to promote healthy attachment. I didn’t feel like the book offered too much in specific attachment techniques. Maybe this will be one I’ll return to once Baby Barto is home, and I recognize issues that will need to be addressed.

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft: Written by an adoptive mother, this book focused specifically on 1-3 year olds. I thought this book did a better job about providing suggestions about helping a toddler adjust to a new family. This will probably be another book I will go back to once Baby Barto comes home.

Black Like Me – Another blogger recommended this book, so it caught my eye while I was at the library last week. The white author takes pills that darken his skin and for a couple of months he lives as a black man in the deep south in the late 1950s. It’s a powerful and thought- provoking read.