Uncle Nick

This weekend I spent visiting my family in Colorado. We drove up in the mountains to see my brother Nick in Steamboat Springs. It was great to see where he has spent the past year. He is such the Colorado poster resident. He hikes, camps, snowboards, climbs and just really enjoys the mountains. I decided that Jose and I can stay in the condo drinking hot chocolate while Uncle Nick teaches Baby Barto how to ski. Nick bought matching mom and baby Steamboat sweatshirts for me for my birthday. Isn't he sweet?

Here and there

Our dossier has arrived in Ethiopia. Now I feel like a little bit of us is in the same place as Baby Barto. Our agency will have it translated into Amarhic and then their in-country staff holds on to it until we get our referral.

Yesterday, I received letters from my cousin Suzie and one of my best friends, Janis. It wasn't my birthday and I hadn't sent any gifts (the two mailers are very good about thank-you notes), so I was puzzled as to their contents. When I opened up the envelopes, I found that Suzie had sent me an article about adoption she had read in her parent magazine and Janis sent me coupons to Babies-R-Us. I felt so special that these two had seen these items and not only thought of me, but then took the time to find stamps, envelopes and my address. I feel so fortunate to have so many amazingly supportive people in my life.

Right: With Janis and her girls

Left: Suzie with the Michigan football player Mr. Potato Head she bought for us this summer.

This is actually happening

This is for real. No longer are we on the edges of the adoption journey, we are in the thick of it. In as little as 3 months, we could get a phone call that will change everything. Before Thanksgiving, we might see the picture of a child to whom we will be forever linked. During the spring of next year, we may be making a journey filled with joy, sorrow and love. By next summer, we may be Mom and Dad.

Waitlist

We are officially on the waitlist. Our dossier is on its way to D.C. and then it'll be off to Ethiopia. Our agency says the wait for a referral is typically 3-5 months. Then it'll likely be another 2-3 months before we actually travel to Ethiopia . Now we have to do our adoption training, get shots, read about babies and cram more stuff into our house.

Blogs

I love Ethiopian adoption blogs. When we were starting our adoption research, I discovered this whole network of people who were writing about their adoptions. For several nights in a row I spent hours reading about people's adoption journeys. Some people had already returned with their children, and it was fascinating to read about the whole process in one night. Others were in a variety of stages and were sharing their milestones, thoughts and feelings about their adoption. I think I have probably checked a blog or two or ten a day since we made the decision to adopt from Ethiopia.

During pregnancy there are websites that map out your growing fetus week by week. For adoption, there isn't a specific time frame that leads to the arrival of baby. There are no weekly e-mails telling you your baby is now a size of grain of rice and this is how you may be feeling. My friends and family have not built their families this way. So, these adoption blogs provide me with reassurance about the adoption process. Through these women, I find a common connection. Some entries have made me think of something in a new way and others make me feel comforted that I am not the only one having certain thoughts around adoption, race or parenting.

I am excited for people I have never met and saddened when they experience a setback. When we got an encouraging e-mail from our agency on Friday, the first thing I did was check on the blog of a woman who has been waiting for almost 6 months for her referral. She received her referral, and now I will excitedly continue to follow her journey to her daughter.

There are also anti-adoption blogs, blogs written by adults of color who were adopted by white parents and blogs about anti-racist parenting. These blogs have also enriched the adoption experience. I have been forced to think deeply about what all this will mean for Baby Barto. I have read blogs with points of view I never would have considered, and I think this has been extremely important in widening my perspective.

The adoption journey is complex. I have been amazed by what I can access on the Internet and by the wide variety of commentary I have found on adoption. By opening my mind to diverse view points, I hope I am gathering tools that will help me parent Baby Barto.

Daycare & Democrats

Today I started my search for a daycare. Since I am on summer vacation, I decided I might as well start researching happy, nurturing places for Baby Barto. I visited 3 places today. I felt like I didn't have very clear answers regarding timing, age or really anything they asked. All three centers seemed like they were willing to be flexible, so that was encouraging.

As one of my "embrace the present" activities, I decided to get involved with the Dallas County Young Democrats. How happy was I to drive into a parking lot where numerous cars had Obama bumper stickers? Very! I went to a meeting on Tuesday and attended a social outing tonight. I think I am close to aging out of the "Young Democrats," but it might be a fun, interesting way to be involved in the political process and meet new people.

Managing Expectations

When we decided to become parents, we assumed that I’d get pregnant and 40 weeks later we would hold our little creation in our arms. When that vision did not pan out, we switched our expectations. We’d adopt. In less than a year, it seemed, we could be on our way to Africa to welcome a little one into our family. Yet, there have been some unanticipated bumps in this journey as well.

In all of this, I have to remind myself that I only have right now. I don’t know what will come tomorrow much less 6 months from now, so I need to live in the present. I need to spend this time strengthening my relationships, becoming a better teacher and enjoying my life as it is. I need to let go of my expectations and be open to what the universe gives me today.