Tonight after clicking on some pictures of Baby Barto and catching up on blog friends, I headed over to the blogs of a couple of adult adoptees. And I read and clicked and read and clicked. These stories of loss, race, discrimination, kidnapping and adoption ethics serve as a reminder of the enormity of what we are doing. Waiting on a court date is small potatoes compared to all that Baby Barto has already gone through and will go through as part of our family.
Baby Barto’s journey to us is rooted in love and sorrow. And his story will become more complex when he joins our family and moves to the U.S. He will face struggles that come with being adopted, being black in America and being black in a white/Puerto Rican family. And as much as we will try to be open, honest and supportive, it won’t replace what he has lost. Even though we will expose him to Ethiopian culture, make sure he has positive black role models and live in a diverse community, it won’t be enough. We will love him with all our hearts and that still may not be enough.
I have to learn how to grapple with all the tough realities that come with adopting and accept that many of these issues have no tidy resolution. But by recognizing the complexity of his adoption, I hope to give Baby Barto the support he needs as he explores, challenges and questions his story.
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2 comments:
Sara, I feel the same way. I feel a heaviness with the responsibilities that are more than what a bio parent seemingly faces. We gladly and thoughtfully take that on, but still it weighs.
Cindy
Sara, welcome to the world of parenting-color-folks-style! You are always welcome to hit me up on my blog or email if you just need to bounce a question or two off on. Believe me, you will do fine as a parent to a child of color---it's in your veins sweetie, it's in your veins!
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