Expecting

I'm a little jealous of pregnant people because at a certain point you know they are going have a baby. They glow and pat their cute round bellies. People can look at pregnant gals and know that they are about to become mothers. It's not that I'm longing for pregnancy, but rather, I wish for clearer announcement to the world that I'm on my way to becoming a mom. I'm so excited about this next step in my life, and I want to be able to share that.

So, I bought a necklace. I saw it on a blog early in my blog reading days and wanted it, but it seemed too soon. Now that we are in the midst of our wait, I needed something tangible that represents that this really, actually could be happening for us. My necklace came in the mail today in the sweetest little box, and I was so thrilled to put it on.

Here is the etsy site of the woman who made it. Her daughter is also adopting from Ethiopia.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_5&listing_id=14480969

Leaving month #2

Today marks the first day of month #3 on the waitlist. We are getting closer and you'd think that would spur us on to make baby preparations. But our baby prep includes about 10 books (mostly purchased by others) and four cute baby outfits picked up over the past year. I think I worry about jinxing the wait with a flurry of purchases. I don't know if I could handle looking at an empty baby room for months and months.

We plan on working on Baby Barto's room when my mom comes for Thanksgiving. She rocks at that kind of stuff. That seems like good timing - hopefully we'll have a referral by then or be really close to one.

Counting

When I was a kid, I remember wondering if as an adult I would look forward to things like birthdays as much as I did then. The anticipation of a birthday or my dad’s visit or Christmas would leave me giddy with excitement. As I got older I still looked forward to big events, but no longer was I focused on the tangible stuff like presents or a party. I’ve counted down to my graduation from college, long weekends with Jose when we did long-distance, visits with friends & family, my wedding day.

Now, I am anticipating the arrival of Baby Barto and this wait is a whole different deal. Our “wait” started a little more than 18 months ago when we began trying to build our family. With all that has happened in those months, it’s really hard to believe it hasn’t even been two years. Unlike a birthday or a set milestone, this wait doesn’t have a specific ending date. Not knowing the when makes it hard at times to picture that we really will be parents.

There is no “due date”, no set time by which we’ll be a family. Even without a set date, I do try to find ways to count. I go to the unofficial list of families working with our agency being kept by a fellow blogger and try to predict when we might get the call. I count the number of families ahead of us (25) and how many are requesting girls (17), boys (2) or either (5). I go to the referral list and count the number of months families waited. I count the weeks we’ve been officially waiting (8) and number of months since we started the process (8). I count how many weeks it could be if we are on the early end of the referral window (5) or the later (14). Counting is comforting. It provides a perspective of some sort. It’s totally against my whole Buddhist notions of being present in the moment, but it works. So, I’ll keep track of the days, the weeks, the months because then it feels like we are moving forward, moving towards the day we meet Baby Barto.

Obama

Thursday night was the first time I’ve sobbed during a political speech. The tears started during the DNC video about Obama’s life and pretty much continued on and off until Nancy P. closed the thing down. I’m not a big political junkie like Jose or a hard core activist, but this election has fired me up. I am drawn to Obama’s vision for our country and really want to believe change is possible.

This election has taken on a new dimension for me as the future mother of an Ethiopian-American. As I watched the pictures of Obama with his mother, I felt a connection to her (and then I cried some more). I too will be the White mother of a Black child. I wonder what that was like for them. How did she approach issues of race with her son? How did she teach him to be confident in a racist world? How did he feel growing up in a family that didn’t look like him? I guess I need to read his book again. But it provides a measure of reassurance that interracial families do figure it out.

I also am excited by the idea that our child will grow up in a United States in which an African American man and a woman were the top contenders for the highest position in our country. Hopefully, this election is an indication that the barriers often faced by women and people of color will continue to fall. Perhaps this election signals that Baby Barto will live in a country where racism and sexism are more often than not trumped by equality and fairness.

Barak Obama has given me hope that our country can make some serious change. He has given me hope that our nation can strive to do the right thing. I want to raise our child in the country that Obama believes we can become.

Starting School

I go back to school on Monday to 120 7th graders. Fun stuff. I think school will help the wait. There is always so much to do at the start of the year to keep a gal distracted. Mom and Aunt Cathy, I included these photos of my room because all the cute stuff is from you two.

Entering month #2

We have just finished our first month on the waitlist. During this first month of waiting, we have had some big discussions about the selfishness/selflessness of being parents and about the endless unknowns that come with parenthood. Sometimes I wish Google could answer these big questions for us.

This month I also have scheduled a babycare/CPR class for us and started meeting with pediatricians. The Ethiopian adoption book club I joined is currently reading Notes from the Hyena's Belly. And I've been knitting.

Tiny Tope

Jose and I went to New Mexico this weekend and had a blast. Friday night we saw the Albuquerque Isotopes, a minor league baseball team, and bought Baby Barto this cute onesie.