When I was a kid, I remember wondering if as an adult I would look forward to things like birthdays as much as I did then. The anticipation of a birthday or my dad’s visit or Christmas would leave me giddy with excitement. As I got older I still looked forward to big events, but no longer was I focused on the tangible stuff like presents or a party. I’ve counted down to my graduation from college, long weekends with Jose when we did long-distance, visits with friends & family, my wedding day.
Now, I am anticipating the arrival of Baby Barto and this wait is a whole different deal. Our “wait” started a little more than 18 months ago when we began trying to build our family. With all that has happened in those months, it’s really hard to believe it hasn’t even been two years. Unlike a birthday or a set milestone, this wait doesn’t have a specific ending date. Not knowing the when makes it hard at times to picture that we really will be parents.
There is no “due date”, no set time by which we’ll be a family. Even without a set date, I do try to find ways to count. I go to the unofficial list of families working with our agency being kept by a fellow blogger and try to predict when we might get the call. I count the number of families ahead of us (25) and how many are requesting girls (17), boys (2) or either (5). I go to the referral list and count the number of months families waited. I count the weeks we’ve been officially waiting (8) and number of months since we started the process (8). I count how many weeks it could be if we are on the early end of the referral window (5) or the later (14). Counting is comforting. It provides a perspective of some sort. It’s totally against my whole Buddhist notions of being present in the moment, but it works. So, I’ll keep track of the days, the weeks, the months because then it feels like we are moving forward, moving towards the day we meet Baby Barto.
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3 comments:
Wow, so you think that at the most you have another 14 weeks to wait for a referral? That time will fly with all of the holiday and seasonal things coming up! We just got an email from our agency saying that the wait is now 12 months for a referral. Eek! I hope they are "just saying that" so that families don't get their hopes up and get an earlier referral. Who knows.
I could totally relate to your post...it was so tough to wait the first time we adopted...we were lucky to receive our referral quickly but then the wait for court and travel was agonizing. We're now on adoption number two and I still do all the things you mention in your post, count where we are and estimate when it will happen but it's so much easier this time around because my heart has been filled up with love for my two little ones. Hang in there, when you see your baby's face you'll be so happy you waited because if your wait wasn't exactly what it was he or she wouldn't be yours.
hi sara...we are waiting with gladney too! i just got to your blog through gladney's site and enjoyed reading your blog...we can definitely relate. can you email this "list" that speak of? i would love to check that out!
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