Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Procrastination

With only three months left until a potential travel date, you’d think we’d be in full parenting-preparation mode. But I haven’t really done much since our referral. My friends and family have sent us more stuff than I have purchased myself. I have collected books about attaching, adoption and toddlers, but I have only read a couple of chapters. We haven’t even watched the required videos yet. Normally I procrastinate out of laziness, but now procrastination feels like a way to safe-guard my heart.

Even when I speak to people about Baby Barto, I add qualifiers like if, maybe and hopefully. Or I refer to him as my future son or son-to-be. I worry that if I refer to him with possessive pronouns, I could jinx the whole deal.

The Ethiopian courts still need to decide if this is the right match, so I don’t want to assume anything. But as I imagine being on the receiving end of the smile in his photo, I really hope they say yes (an added bonus would be if they did on the first time).

3 comments:

Rebecca said...

I think guarding your heart is totally natural...I did it for quite a while.

Save the books for the plane ride! It's a long one, you'll need some good reading material :)

Eastiopians said...

Watch the movie, Somethings Gotta Give, and the advice she gives her daughter on the steps at the beach. I have never forgotten it. It's about why we should open our hearts even if it means it might be broken. It's beautiful.

Theresa

los cazadores said...

I know what you mean, I feel the same way although I tend to just say "our son Olly" all the time. But, I do have fear - what if this doesn't work, what if court goes awry...

Hugs to you and hope to us both that all goes well and family is fruition.

Cindy