In the children’s section of our library, you can check out a bag of books related to a certain theme. A few weeks ago, I spied a bag of adoption books and picked it up. Over the next few nights, we added these books to our reading time. The most requested book of the bunch is a Mother for Choco (which I had actual read pre-Turo). In this book, Choco is looking for a mother (he starts the book off all alone with no mention of his first family – which was a disappointing trend in the majority of the books we checked out). Choco asks a wide variety of animals if they will be his mother, but is rebuffed by all because they don’t look the same. Finally, Mrs. Bear lovingly responds to Choco’s cries. Once he realizes that she can be his mother even though they look different, he goes home to live with her and her diverse brood of animal children.
Turo’s processing of this book has been interesting. He wants to know where Choco’s mother is. I told him that maybe she had gotten very sick or that she was unable to take care of him. Another day Turo started to pretend cry and say “I need a mommy, I need a mommy.” I asked him if he was being like Choco and he said yes. So, I replied with lines from Mrs. Bear and we reenacted the story. We’ve done the scene several times now. This is the first time Turo has brought a story into his play. I can’t help but think that something in this book resonates with him.
I’ve pointed out that Turo and Mama look different, just like Mrs. Bear and Choco. But I haven’t explicitly made the connection between the absent first mother in this book and Turo’s own first family. I should, but addressing this specific part of his story is so much harder than I thought (I'm still struggling with how to put this together for a 2 1/2 year old). I guess I need to bust out Talking to Young Children about Adoption and Toddler Adoption to assist me on this one. (Any other recommendations?)
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3 comments:
Love this post. In fact, Craig read it first and said I needed to read it. We have mother for Choco too, but haven't read it yet, I should start now, I kept thinking it was for a little later. Sometimes because I think Olly's language skills are just slightly delayed due to the dual languages, he isn't speaking as coherently or conveying yet, thus confusing me as to what he can and can't understand sometimes.
That is really interesting that the book is resonating with Turo. Although by 2 and 1/2 even I think by two and half Olly's speech will have made enormous strides. So maybe he'll be able to tell me what he thinks about it or ask questions then.
Btw, is Turo very, very, very loud? All the time? Do you try to teach inside voice? Wanting to get more opinions on this...
Cindy
My advice is to talk about it soon. The sooner the better and the less awkward it will feel later. Making a lifebook (a simple one) for M helped me a lot. We look at it and it addresses all the issues in an age appropriate way and we look at it at least once a week when she goes to grab it.
Theresa
I will add that using words like "First Mother" or "Birth Mommy" or "The Mommy who grew you in her tummy"...whatever wording you want to use...and "adoption" are words that are best to get your child comfortable with now rather than later. So, you can read A Mother for Choco and say, "Choco's First Mother cannot care for a baby, so Mrs. Bear is his adopted mother who will care for him always." and then relate by saying,"Just like your first mother loved you and you grew in her tummy, but then she couldn't take care of a baby so we adopted you and we'll take care of you forever." Just simple wording like that that lets the issue be on the table in a safe way.
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