Sweetness

I could see Turo and the other children through the glass wall at the gym's childcare as I came down the stairs from yoga. A few children were playing at a little table, another was looking at a book. And then there was a little boy crying next to the window. From across the lobby, I watched as Turo looked at the boy, walked to him and stroked his head.

By the time I went in the room to get Turo, he was back to looking at a book. But the tenderness of that moment was so lovely that I've been carrying it with me all afternoon.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

In past years, I have honored Martin Luther King Jr. through community service and by attending speeches given by famous activists. But tonight in a small room of our public library, I truly felt his legacy. Nothing big or glamorous, just a dozen children, black and white, singing about freedom, America and democracy. Listening to their sweet voices with my African son on my lap and my Puerto Rican husband next to me, I had to choke back the tears. The children, the audience and my family in that moment were the dream. And even though our nation still has work to do, tonight served as a reminder of how far we have come.

Referral anniversary

Waiting for a referral gives you a lot of time to imagine, to dream about this mysterious child that will be yours one day. You read other people’s referral stories and build it up to this big, momentous event, in which the tears will pour and fireworks will light up the sky. For us it was a big deal, no doubt about it, but that magic didn’t happen on our referral day.

Buturo wasn’t the Baby Barto we had pictured (as the name of the blog implies, we had always envisioned a baby). He seemed so old in that first photo and a little sullen. We were excited that the call had finally come, that we were going to be parents and this boy was going to have family, but we had to readjust some of our own expectations. We had to get ready for a walking, talking little boy. Our little boy! It took a few weeks to move from the invented baby to preparing for a our real-life toddler. I felt like a terrible person for even having any other emotions other than totally joy and excitement.

Of course you can’t tell from a few photos how his lips will pucker to give you a good night kiss or how his giggles are contagious. Pictures on a computer screen are a sorry representation of how it will feel when he curls up on your lap to read or how his arms will cling to your neck when he’s scared. A few paragraphs provide insufficient insight into the blossoming personality of this little boy. These are things that can only be discovered with proximity and time. A year ago today, the foundation was laid. We were on our way to becoming a family, but the magic has been in the thousand little things that have come after.

My boys

Blanket

June 2008 (even before we were put on the waitlist)


January 4, 2010 (I'm not the fastest knitter)

Turo at Two

During our visit to the pediatrician today, we had to identify typical two-year old tasks Turo can or cannot perform. For most of the items, we were able to mark “most of the time.” Inspired by this, I decided to create my own list of Turo activities to highlight his current development.

Language – I’m guessing Turo knows about 150 words. I was reading a journal entry I made four months ago (which was the last time I wrote in it) and I listed about 20 words. His vocabulary has just blossomed. He can hear a word a couple of times and he files it away. Then it later pops out in the correct context, and I’m always a little surprised. He still uses the Amharic word for “give me” which makes me happy. Pronouns are a challenge. He refers to himself as “you” – as in “carry you,” “push you.” Or he’ll point to his picture and say “you.” I’m not sure how this one sorts itself out, but I’m guessing at some point it will. My favorites: love you, hug (sometimes he just asks for one in the middle of playing), hi baby (which he says with affection when I go into his room after a nap) and hand sanitizer (because it’s so random).

Play – In the last couple of months, Turo has started to pretend. The first time I noticed this was when he took the pot holders out of the drawer, put playdough on a baking sheet, put it in his “oven” and said “hot.” It’s fun to watch him take care of his baby, turn into a dog or make believe the hanger is a trombone.

Current interests – Turo continues to love anything related to the marching band. His friend Simon was over last weekend and they both marched around the house with their instruments (random objects). He also enjoys trucks, blocks, playdough and baking.

Behavior– Most of the time Turo is a happy, joyful little boy. He waves at random people and pretty much charms those around him. The ladies at the gym daycare adore him, and he has made friends at the local bakery. We have seen some of the more challenging toddler behaviors begin to emerge. Tantrums, for one, have started to occur with more frequency. Yesterday he melted down at the library when we had to leave. He was crying and begging me to go “back, back.” I have started giving him numerous warnings before we transition, but it doesn’t always work. We also have had to develop some consequences for inappropriate behavior. So far his worst transgression is throwing silverware at the table. When this happens, we turn his chair from us and remind him to hold the spoon/fork. Then he pleads, “hold it, hold it” so he can rejoin us. I’ve had to work hard to keep from cracking up when the fork flies across the table (I’m not always successful.)

Attachment – I think Turo gets that we are a family. Turo is giddy when Jose comes home for work or when I pick him up at the gym child care. Although Turo is friendly and outgoing, he checks back with us in unfamiliar settings. For several months he’d cry when I’d leave the house or drop him off at child care, but now he seems to understand that I’ll be back and puts up less of a fuss (if any at all).

I'm continually amazed by this kid. He cracks me up, takes my breath away and fills me with such joy (sometimes simultaneously). I love this little boy, my son!

Birthday Boy